The Joy of Cooking (for Little Assholes)

Parenting isn't for the faint of heart

What to do when someone tells you to "Enjoy every moment"

By 36 Comments

I have a beef. I know. Shocking, right?

My issue is with the folks who see me walking around with baby C, or the Threenager or, even worse, BOTH of them, and they smile knowingly and say to me, “Enjoy every moment. It will be over before you know it!”

Jesus fucking Christ.

I have a feeling there is some selective memory-keeping going on here. I mean, I guess we aren’t really programmed to remember the shitty day to day stuff. Just the highlights and the super low moments. But lady? You totally had shitty day to day moments. You wanted to scream when your toddler wiped jam-stained hands on the couch. You wanted to cry when another day of teething, but no sign of that fucking tooth, went by.

You sure as hell weren’t enjoying every one of those moments.

Honestly? I get it, to a certain degree. I’m not a total curmudgeon. My favourite motherhood quote ever is “The days are long, but the years are short.” Tempus fugit and all that. But when you’re in the thick of it? Honey, I guarantee this ain’t the way to make friends with new moms.

So, without further ado, here are the things you can do, in response to someone using this annoying phrase on you:

1. Smile. Stick your hand in your pocket. Secretly give them the finger. I seriously do this ALL. THE. TIME.

2. Smile. Pick up your baby, and act as though you’re going to hand him over. Ask them to enjoy every moment of teething-related screams tonight, and tell them to call you in the morning.

3. Burst into tears. I mean it. Sob like you’re losing your goddamn mind, body and soul. Seriously, they won’t know what the hell to do, besides back away slowly.

4. Smile. Thank them and shake their hand. Explain how this morning, you had to clean your toddler’s poop off the walls with your bare hands, because she is toilet training, and that today would be considered a successful day.

5. Stare at them, unblinking and unsmiling, exactly the way your baby or toddler is currently doing.

Okay, in all seriousness, you can smile and use the quote I mentioned earlier, to respond. It generally gives them pause. Makes them remember that it ain’t all rainbows and cupcakes, but that you understand what they are saying.

Because it’s true. Our sweet little babes do become toddlers, who become preschoolers, who become whatever they’re called next, all too fast. You do seem to blink and they’ve changed right in front of you. But when you’re right in the thick of it, it’s a hard sentiment to hear, let alone relate to.

So I’d like to propose, if you happen to be one of those people, a change in the way you relate to us new moms. Perhaps you can start out by saying “I know it can be difficult…” or “I’m sure you have rough days…” just to let us know that you remember it’s not all rosy.

Then we may not give you the finger after all. 😉

~g

Comments

  2. I was one of those Old Moms. Then Karma tore me a new one and sent me my late life little boy. Now I split my time between mentally trying to savor every moment and flipping myself off.

    Reply

  4. I’m not quite at the age where it would be normal for me to say something like that, but when I am, I’ll remember never to say “Enjoy every moment. It will be over before you know it!”

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  5. I just laugh and walk off when someone says about how I should cherish these moments. Yep..cherishing the colic, red raw nipples and teething pain..

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  6. Omg yes!! Or my favorite when they ask you why your child is crying because you know you just threw them out a window vs. them crying because you put their coat on and they wanted to go outside in only a tank top

    Reply

  7. I hate it when they say that. I sure did not enjoy it yesterday when my 2 year old screamed his head off at the doctors office, and was not willing to let me take his jacket off, and the echocardiogramm was not happing with his jacket on 🙁 So finally the doctor said, I guess the examination is not happaning today 🙁

    Reply

    • Oh no!! You know, my daughter had to go for an ultrasound last summer, and even though the tech wasn’t doing ANYTHING to hurt her, she howled as though she was being tortured. It was mortifying. We tried everything to calm her down, to no avail. So I feel your pain :-/

      Reply

  9. I am so glad I am not the only one who has handed my daughter off and told someone to call me in the morning. I have done it numerous times but no one actually takes me up on it 😉 I love her with all of my heart but sometimes I want to slap these people that say “It can’t be that bad.” Blurg. Great post!

    Reply

  11. Oh do I know what you mean? I have four, ages span from 3-8, yes I am a lunatic, I realize this. Whenever I see a veteran mother I always ask if it gets any easier and do you know what those b*tches always say? They chuckle and say, “little kids, little problems” Now that is when I implement the bird in the pocket mentioned in #1. Can’t they just say, “Sorry sista, its a life sentence” or something like “I feel your pain, hang in there” Honestly, right?

    Reply

  12. My MIL occaisionally burst into a country song that goes “You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back…” And I have actually said to her, “That is not at all helpful in this moment. If you cannot simply listen to what I’m sharing, then you should hang up.” Ok, maybe not that last part. BUT I WANTED TO!!! One day I did sing it back to her lol… she never sang it to me again.

    Reply

  16. I remember those days, now that my kids are grown when I see young mothers with their little ones it brings back floods of memories and emotions . . . I think about how it felt like just yesterday my babies were still babies and a little part of me mourns for those days, I sometimes miss them.

    I’ve been guilty of lamenting the far too fast passage of time to a few of those moms in the midst of the hustle and bustle of their own everyday parenting, especially when they look their most frazzled.

    Maybe part of me just wanted to remind them that *this too shall pass*. Maybe part of me wanted to let them know that while I stood there, without my own children, I got it. I understood: I was once just like them. Perhaps even, I was thinking about days I wished I could have made last just a little longer. No matter the reason, the words I spoke were never intended to offend.

    I never meant to sound condescending, I never meant to undermine the *right now* they were experiencing, I simply wanted to let them know how fleeting those *right now* moments truly are.

    I can almost guarantee the day will come when you find yourself face to face with a young mother, those words will take your brain hostage and find a way to be spoken. Maybe you’ll get the hidden bird, maybe you’ll be rewarded with a smile 🙂

    Reply

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