I have a beef. I know. Shocking, right?
My issue is with the folks who see me walking around with baby C, or the Threenager or, even worse, BOTH of them, and they smile knowingly and say to me, “Enjoy every moment. It will be over before you know it!”
Jesus fucking Christ.
I have a feeling there is some selective memory-keeping going on here. I mean, I guess we aren’t really programmed to remember the shitty day to day stuff. Just the highlights and the super low moments. But lady? You totally had shitty day to day moments. You wanted to scream when your toddler wiped jam-stained hands on the couch. You wanted to cry when another day of teething, but no sign of that fucking tooth, went by.
You sure as hell weren’t enjoying every one of those moments.
Honestly? I get it, to a certain degree. I’m not a total curmudgeon. My favourite motherhood quote ever is “The days are long, but the years are short.” Tempus fugit and all that. But when you’re in the thick of it? Honey, I guarantee this ain’t the way to make friends with new moms.
So, without further ado, here are the things you can do, in response to someone using this annoying phrase on you:
1. Smile. Stick your hand in your pocket. Secretly give them the finger. I seriously do this ALL. THE. TIME.
2. Smile. Pick up your baby, and act as though you’re going to hand him over. Ask them to enjoy every moment of teething-related screams tonight, and tell them to call you in the morning.
3. Burst into tears. I mean it. Sob like you’re losing your goddamn mind, body and soul. Seriously, they won’t know what the hell to do, besides back away slowly.
4. Smile. Thank them and shake their hand. Explain how this morning, you had to clean your toddler’s poop off the walls with your bare hands, because she is toilet training, and that today would be considered a successful day.
5. Stare at them, unblinking and unsmiling, exactly the way your baby or toddler is currently doing.
Okay, in all seriousness, you can smile and use the quote I mentioned earlier, to respond. It generally gives them pause. Makes them remember that it ain’t all rainbows and cupcakes, but that you understand what they are saying.
Because it’s true. Our sweet little babes do become toddlers, who become preschoolers, who become whatever they’re called next, all too fast. You do seem to blink and they’ve changed right in front of you. But when you’re right in the thick of it, it’s a hard sentiment to hear, let alone relate to.
So I’d like to propose, if you happen to be one of those people, a change in the way you relate to us new moms. Perhaps you can start out by saying “I know it can be difficult…” or “I’m sure you have rough days…” just to let us know that you remember it’s not all rosy.
Then we may not give you the finger after all. 😉