To the woman I was one year ago,
Oh sweet, sad Mama. You are in the thick of it right now, and I know you can’t see a way out. It’s hard enough being the mom of a spirited two year old, but add on an unplanned pregnancy and having to put your own big plans on hiatus? It’s no wonder you’re feeling low, confused and scared.
There are so many things I wish I could share with you, to make life more bearable.
I want to tell you that, even though it feels like one door is closing in your career, another one is getting ready to appear. In the coming months, you will embark on a path you never could have guessed, though you dreamed of it, long ago. The sadness, the fear, the anxiety that you feel? They will all be feelings that you will become grateful for, because they’ll become a catalyst for something greater.
I want you to know that, even though you can’t imagine loving another child as much as your sweet girl, you will. Your heart will double in size when he’s born, and there will be room for everyone in it. The little boy growing inside of you will be none of the things you are afraid he will be. He’ll be easygoing, happy, smart and healthy. And when your now-three year old gets home from preschool every day, she will come in the door calling his name, and run to hug him immediately.
I know you’re anxious, but I want to reassure you that having your teenage stepdaughter move into your already crowded house, in the fall, will actually make your family feel complete. Sure it will be a challenge; she’s a teenager, after all. But she will add so much to your home, and your two youngest will adore seeing their big sister all the time.
No, life will not be easy. There will be countless days of not enough sleep, of feeling like a zombie and still having to function. Yes, there will be plenty of challenges. The teenager will need help adjusting to her new life and to high school. The richness that your life is developing, however, will make it all feel worthwhile.
So hang on and ride out the storm, together with the good man that is your husband, as life gets tougher and tougher still. I don’t want to take this pain away from you, because it will make you so much stronger, more creative, and more of who you really are. Instead, I want you to embrace it, knowing that better days are coming. So feel those deep, dark feelings. You need them, to see how beautiful your life will be.
And it will be beautiful.