I’ve always told myself, and sometimes those of you reading, that I wouldn’t sugar-coat things here. The whole reason I started this blog was to be honest in a place that is known for people pretending to be something they’re not. People who are addicted to Instagramming a beautiful looking dish of their freshly-cooked dinner on the only clean corner of their dining room table. I used to be that person. But now, I like showing the rest of the dining room table.
So here’s the truth: all I’m writing these days are half-funny, half-finished posts.
I have a bunch of shit going on in my life that I’m not at liberty to talk about, and it makes the funny stuff seem really pale and ludicrous. I have moments of wanting to write my normal stuff, but then I get distracted, and I lose my mojo.
And then I see that post of mine that went viral a few weeks back, “Today, Mommy is an Asshole,” and I think, there’s no way I can top that. That post had 50K shares in 3 days. It’s still getting passed around and shared 100+ times a day. I can’t possibly have anything else to say that speaks to so many people. Great. So 5 months in, I’m done? That can’t be right.
But right now, it feels that way.
Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe I need a few more days, or a week. Maybe I need a really good therapy session, which I haven’t had in months now.
But for the time being, I guess I’m writing this post to remind myself that I’m here to show that messy dining room table. To show the truths that make people laugh, and make people sad, and maybe make people cringe, too.
So the truth, right now, is that life is an insane combination of beauty and pain and sweetness and stress.
Tomorrow, I turn 39. In the past year, my life has changed in ways I couldn’t have begun to comprehend, 365 days ago. I have SO many things to be thankful for, and continue to have so many things to feel anxious about.
I keep wondering when the hell I’m going to be a grown up. A GROWN UP. I’m fucking 39, people! I have a bunch of kids, and a bunch of big plans, and then I wonder how the hell we’ll pay our bills next month, and if we’ll ever own a house.
But I love my family. And I love those tiny, beautiful moments that I’m better at glimpsing than I used to be. So I guess I’ll just hold on to those, and wait for the heaviness to pass.
And keep writing.
~g
Ugh I get this! I love your posts and your honesty is refreshing. I appreciate REAL. I’ve been stuck on a writing project for YEARS and even though I am convinced I will finish it I worry it won’t be good enough or worry I’ll never have a good idea again….blah. blah. You get the picture. Let’s both just keep writing even though it isn’t always easy.
🙂 Thank you! And I’ll keep writing if you keep writing, okay? xx
Do we really have to be grown ups ever?
It’s a good question! But sometimes it feels like that’s the only thing we’re allowed to be, when kids are part of the equation :-/ But you’re right, and it’s all about perspective.
I think sometime we have to be childish because it means to learn, to have fun and sometimes it means to be an asshole. Being a grown up means to be an asshole to your self most of the time.
You’re awesome. 🙂
I’d like to say the same to you <3
I love your posts and I love your honesty. I appreciate REAL. I go through so many periods where I feel like I’ll NEVER have anything interesting to write about again or like you said, I’ve “peaked” after having one viral post, and I certainly have HUNDREDS of drafts in my blog dashboard waiting to maybe get finished. I have a writing project I’ve been working on for years, well…THINKING about working on for years. It’s ridiculous. I am finally trying to force myself to work on production this summer. We both just need to keep writing, even though it isn’t always easy.
Write for yourself, for your family, for your fears and joys – that is the truth. Not the likes, the shares. And write for those of us who are knee-deep in the trench with you.
THAT is truth. Thanks. xx
It’s hard once we’re pigeon-holed as a certain genre of writer, be it in the blogosphere or in the published world, to branch out into something different. Hard and also kind of scary. What if no one reads it? Sometimes we can use that fear as a way to self-sabotage, and to keep us from writing more. I think NeveyMama has it, though. Keep writing for you, whatever direction that may take you in.
Thanks Tara. You’re totally right, it CAN be scary! I appreciate the comment, and you reading. xx
It can be difficult, and scary, once we’re pigeon-holed as a certain genre of writer, to branch out into something different. Sometimes we self-sabotage, letting that fear hold us back from writing what we really want to write. We worry that no one will read it. I can imagine that having a particular post go viral puts so much extra pressure on! I think NeveyMama has it: keep writing for yourself, no matter where it takes you. : )
Crap, sorry for the double post. I didn’t think my first attempt worked!!
Good luck to you!! I feel the same way a lot. If I am stressed and/or overtired I have a hard time producing a good post. But I still feel like I should write something. Good for you for being honest.
Thank you. So good to hear I’m not alone!
Keep on going Glynnis. You’re a talented writer, but life happens and sometimes it smacks you so hard you’re stunned for a while, but you’ll be back with funny and poignant. I can tell you’re the kind of person who keeps on.
Does journaling ever help you? Sometimes writing what I know no one else can see helps sort things out in my mind. And who knows, it may be material some day.
Oh and Happy Birthday! Don’t do 39 like I did (am) and worry the whole time about turning 40 🙂
Thanks! I’m trying not to think like that, but it’s a challenge!! What’s keeping me from dreading it is the massive party I’m expecting my husband to throw me. HA.
Thanks Dana. Your words mean a lot!! I’m not so good at journaling, but thinking of it all as potential material seems to help it come out, oddly. Apparently, I like an audience, ha ha.
This is uncanny. I go through this a lot. In fact right now i am in that place. It’s like you say, ‘have I lost my mojo?’ Have I ran out of funny stuff to say?’ I have to hang on to the fact it has come and passed before and it will again. I hope. Will it? Yes it will. My brain us now arguing with itself. Shit. Hang in there and it’ll come back outta nowhere. 39 shit. I put you way younger.
Ha. I would never have guessed you were going through it, at the moment! You’ve been putting out some great stuff. And you coached me through the last bout of this, too, after I came out with my PPD post. And yes, I am an old fart 😉 Total Gen-Xer! By the way, you are WAY funnier than I am. I don’t know how you do it! I’ve been chasing my tail for weeks now. xo
Why thank you.. I actually haven’t written that much. I sometimes get the opposite of this where I can’t stop writing. I can’t even sleep for words in my head. So I sometimes have random pieces on the computer I can work with during a dry patch! Some times. This week I can’t seem to write even shit stuff…
Ps. So not funnier dude. Younger 🙂 yes but not funnier..:'(
Ha. Whatever.
Just keep swimming…please. I need your funnies for my ‘seriously?seriously?!’ days which come way too often at the moment.
Awww, thanks 🙂 I love your funnies too!!
Why thanks 🙂
I think you can never go wrong if you are writing because you have something to say. Sure, going viral is fun, but it went viral because what you said was authentic and from the heart. Keep living your life, and the material and “mojo” will come. And ignore this if someone already said it… I didn’t read all the comments. And also happy birthday 🙂