Let me start by saying that I hold no illusions about cartoons. I know they exist in alternate cartoon-universes and can bend all sorts of real world rules to do whatever they want to do. Because it’s not real life. That’s why Boots the monkey can talk and SpongeBob Squarepants exists at all. Despite knowing this, however, I cannot seem to stop my brain from exploding or my eyes from crossing, each time Bubble Guppies gets played in my house. Bubble Guppies Universe, what is going ON in there?
1. The main characters are not guppies, they’re mer-people. Just think about that, for a second. A show called “Bubble Guppies” has main characters who have fish tails, and human torsos, arms and heads. Are these supposed to be the guppies*? Or is that just their family name? Can someone please help me up? I’ve collapsed under the weight of this existential crisis.
2. The rest of the characters are regular talking animals. You know, I would understand the mer-people thing, if they went for consistency and had human torsos/heads for ALL the fish and aquatic life in the show. But Mr. Grouper? Fish, through and through. It makes no sense, dammit.
3. They have a pet dog. Someone really needs to explain to these guys that dogs don’t breathe water. Also? Dogs don’t have fish tails. My brain melts a little every time I see BubblePuppy.
4. Never mind the rest of the animals that get featured in the show that don’t belong underwater. Because chickens, cows, cats and EVERY OTHER LAND ANIMAL do not breathe water. This makes no sense. And have you seen what happens when you get a butterfly’s wings wet? They can’t ever fly again. TRAGIC. I know this show wants to teach kids things. I get that, I do. But there are lots of cool things about the ocean that could be taught. We really don’t need to learn about farm animals in a show about guppies.
5. Guppies are freshwater fish, not ocean dwellers. Okay, this is nitpicking. But it’s true. I know this because I had guppies in my freshwater aquarium for years. So Mr. Grouper is most definitely not their teacher. And there would be no lobsters hanging out and doing things with the Bubble Guppies. If they were actually guppies. Which they’re not.
6. Physics. Or science. Or something. Listen, there’s an entire episode about fire safety on this show. FIRE SAFETY. Can anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture? Guys. The entire show is based UNDERWATER. Fire safety is kind of redundant, under those circumstances.
7. The music. You guys are assholes. You had to make your music so catchy, and employ basic, regularly used phrases like “What time is it?” so that any time anyone now asks this questions EVER, our response is, “It’s time for lunch!” Thanks. The saltwater of my tears could fill another ocean, at this point.
8. Did I mention physics? Another episode is based entirely around airplanes. AIR. PLANES. I don’t even know what to say about this. They have a scene in the airplane where clouds are visible. CLOUDS, people. Do I need to say this? Do we have to be reminded? Clouds don’t exist underwater. Clouds ARE water.
9. The creative genius that is the opening theme. That’s sarcasm, by the way. Most cartoon theme songs are actually a bit descriptive of the show they’re for. Think about The Jetsons, Scooby-Doo, The Flintsones, or even Dora the Explorer. They all sort of explain what’s going on, right? Now let’s review the Bubble Guppies theme, shall we? “Bubble bubble bubble. Guppy guppy guppies. Bubble bubble bubble. Guppy guppy guppies. BUBBLE! Bubble! GUPPIES! Guppies! *clap clap* BUBBLE GUPPIES! No. Just no. And because the music itself is so goddamn catchy, it actually gets stuck in your brain.
10. There are no lakes underwater. And no deserts. And no beaches. And how the hell can you build a sand castle, which water generally disintegrates, underwater? Pardon me, I’ll just be in the corner, ramming the remote control further into my eye socket.
If this was a terrible, awful show, I think I could handle all of these rules being broken. But the problem is that kids adore it, and the music is catchy and well-produced, and the lessons they teach are great. And let’s face it, these guppy/mer-kids are WAY less annoying than Caillou. So I’ll continue to let my kids watch Bubble Guppies, and when they ask to go outside, I will sing the “Outside, everybody, outside” song while my eyelid twitches.
~g
* To be fair, the Wikipedia entry for Bubble Guppies calls the main characters mer-people, but they are not referred to as such on the Nickelodeon site, or even on the press release. They’re just “preschoolers with colorful fish tails.” Ummm, okay.
My brain also explodes over the Bubble Guppies. I think I remember an episode where someone was falling over a cliff, something like that? You’re underwater! Just swim!!
SERIOUSLY. It makes no sense, and I’m so glad I’m not the only one 😉
Yeah I saw a part in one episode where the 6 kids were all crossing a rickety old rope bridge and they’re all like “Oh be careful!” and I say “If the bridge breaks and falls you’ll all be just floating there looking down at it.”
Right?! That show drives me crazy, but I can’t stop singing the songs, dammit.
YES! YES! YES! I am with you wholeheartedly on this one. I hate that every time a kids asks me what time it is… in my head (and admittedly, sometimes out loud) my response is ‘It’s time for lunch!’ Makes me want to drop kick something. Preferably Mr Grouper – who is the asshole who gave us that phrase in the first place. I also love it when they drive cars… with EXHAUST FUMES!!!!!! (insert picture of me pulling out my hair and/or screaming into a pillow here)
But you’re right. I’ll take the damn Bubble “Guppies” (?!?) over that little jackass Caillou ANY DAY OF THE WEEK and twice on Sundays!
Bwahahaha. You are awesome. Thank you for your rant. 🙂
That is how I felt about Chowder and Adventure time….I hate them so much…but that is completely off topic. These kids show now a days are soo strange….they pause and stare into your should while they wait for an answer…
Oh my god, I KNOW. And does any kid EVER answer?! No, because it’s WEIRD. That’s a post in and of itself…
My kids are too old to watch this show so I am not familiar with it, but I understand the pain that some kids shows bring far too well.
Indeed! That message transcends, doesn’t it? 😉
Let also mention Yaba Gabba Gabba here as most annoying, and strange.
It’s true, it is VERY strange! But I kind of love it, particularly for the special musical guests (The Roots? The Shins? Yes!) and guest stars (Jack Black? Sarah Silverman? Yes!). So I guess that’s kind of an admission I have to make 😉
I have always wondered how come you NEVER see any other mer-people on the show BESIDES the 6 main kids? Like what about their PARENTS for example they GOTTA be around there someplace underwater right? So far it’s mostly just a bunch of CRABS and LOBSTERS. Also why does that one little mer-boy with the orange hair and glasses RARELY smile and seems to always get a LOUSY lunch to eat just to make a joke? Maybe that’s WHY he does not smile A LOT.
Oh and as for the fire and airplanes under water thing ‘Spongebob Squarepants’ is just guilty for that as well.
Hahahaha EXACTLY.
Excuse me this show is great for kids
Yup, would have to agree. My wife rolled her eyes at me that I was trying to find logic in this program. However since it’s currently in the rotation of stuff my 3.5 yr old watches (Sheriff Callie, Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and eesh that Daniel Tiger), I can’t help trying to understand what she watches, especially since I have no recourse and am compelled to watch it with her, LOL.
I compare it with cartoons I saw as a kid, and they seemed to have more of an exposition: Smurfs lived in medieval Europe, Yogi in a National Park, Winnie the Pooh in imaginary play land by Christopher Robin, He-Man in some odd other domain, Uncle Scrooge from DuckTales in some anthropomorphic planet (?)….. but Bubble Guppies??? Even the Snorks (aka underwater Smurfs) one could see the premise….
I try to come up with some type of rationale for their existence: maybe they live in some type of underwater tide bubble were there’s trapped air? Guppies is their nickname? How do they have such in depth knowledge of things in the surface world… and space?? How do they eat sandwiches, how did snow occur there??? Oyy my head…. I suppose their adventures take place in their play time while at school, so they can have cows, cars, etc…but again, how do sea people know about what land people do???
My little sister loves this show. However, I am always looking at the TV when it is on, wondering, “How the heck do they have rain, snow, clouds, pools, and spinklers there?!” It makes no sense! They also seem to not have any parents. Are they the only ones of their kind?! If so, how come, if not, where the heck are the kids’ parents?! Where did they come from!?!?!?!?! Also, to quote the new summer camp episode, they say, ” Ms. Kelly, we’re hot.”, I say, ” You live underwater for god’s sake!” They say, ” Alright, time for the sprinklers!”, I say, ” You live in the ocean, how do you have sprinklers?!” Just a tiny rant for your troubles.Also, last one, how can they juggle?! Thank you for your time.
Ha! Yes, it makes no sense whatsoever, but the whole show is so damn catchy, right?? Drives me crazy. Thanks for reading!
My daughter and I have the same issue. My little granddaughter loves this show. We even take it farther. Like, where are the parents of these children? Do they take a different route to school every day? Never mind the fact that they live in the ocean with clouds, pools, etc. Don’t get it but she loves it.
Omg thank you got making this. .my husband laughs I yell at the tv every day! They had a circus and bubble puppy was falling off the tight rope and I’m yelling just swim! I also rant about the fact that they’re mermaids!!!
The only way I wrap my head around the whole fish in a desert etc thing is that we are watching the bubble guppies imaginative play. It always pans back to them on the playground. We just see it how they are imagining it I guess. Lol.
The worst is the show all about rain bubble puppy is afraid to get wet