Now that I have a Fournado who is fully cognizant of what the holidays mean, at least to her, I am experiencing life in a whole new way. It was always funny but slightly odd, having to explain what we did differently for each holiday, as it came along. On Thanksgiving we’re thankful! On your birthday you’re a year older and you get gifts and a birthday cake! On Hallowe’en we dress up and go door to door and strangers give us candy! Don’t do that last one on any other day of the year, please.
Once they finally understand, though, they go into full-on Kid Mode. What does that mean? Their way or the highway, essentially. Whee! So what things have the potential to go astronomically wrong this weekend?
1. Pulling out the costume you chose together this summer.
Are you joking? How dare you assume that’s still what your child wants to be! These kids change their minds a million times, once they start talking to their friends and comparing notes.
2. Your child on their first night of Hallowe’en candy.
All I have to say is THANK GOD HALLOWEEN IS ON A WEEKEND THIS YEAR. Don’t expect them to sleep in on Sunday, though. That would be too much to ask.
Perhaps you’re not into the FD&C colours? That means no lollipops, skittles, and a whole host of other treats. Good luck with that. My daughter loves when I tell her she can’t eat something, once she’s seen it and decides she wants it.
4. Going to the scariest house on the block.
Even if your kid thinks this house is amazing during the day, and has told you they’re excited to go there on Hallowe’en, nope. Just. Nope. That shit is scary as hell in the dark, and you will be mopping up tears and avoiding ANY house that has a skull as decoration, for the rest of the night.
5. When your kid sees another child getting more candy at the same house.
It’ll happen, and you can rage away in your head at the neighbour who did it, but you don’t dare say anything to them out loud. Because you’ll be seeing them tomorrow, when you’re both outside raking leaves. And that would be awkward.
When they’re so friggin’ excited about going trick or treating? Forget it. And after they’ve come back? All they want is the candy. All. The. Candy.
I’m actually completely excited to take the kids trick or treating this year. But, as we all know, anything involving copious amounts of sugar can turn into a veritable shitstorm in barely the blink of an eye. Stay safe out there, parents. The more you know!